I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
