can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
40s are totally the cure
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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