I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
