: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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