He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
