brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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