and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
