Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
