The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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