No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
