I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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