we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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