Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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