i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
