Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
