ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
