dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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