they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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