Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
