Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im part way to drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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