You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
