She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
