Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
