Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
