Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
