I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
