I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
