I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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