A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
