yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
