R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
