New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
