dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
