They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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