Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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