erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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