And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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