So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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