Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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