We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
