We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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