You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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