You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
