I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
