I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
