I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
