CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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