we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it hurts more in the daytime
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
