Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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