One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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