I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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