i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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