Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
