and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
