dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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