You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
