I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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